Quite the scene

Every Sunday morning (once I’ve climbed out of whatever dumpster I wake up in and brushed the mouldy lettuce out of my hair), I’m quite partial to grabbing a copy of The Age and settling in for a good old fashioned hipster-bash. I’m referring to the ‘Street Seen’ section of the M Magazine.  Intrepid reporter Arsineh Houspian tracks down the fashionable folk of Melbourne and asks them the hard hitting questions.

Now because Arsineh hasn’t seen fit to trawl the mean streets of North Fitzroy and ask ME the important questions, I thought I’d do her job for her* (lazy much Arsineh? Tsk, some people…) Here goes:

I AM still wondering is your name really pronounced ARSE-I-Nay? Really? Your parents must have really not wanted you. Really? Really.

I AM WEARING shoes made by some child in a third world country (but it’s totally okay because once I did the 9 40 hour famine in high school and thus have given back to charity or something), jeans I bought in NYC while getting my degree in MENSA, a t-shirt I fashioned out of wizz-fizz wrappers during a 17 hour wizz-fizz bender and my drinking hat came from Sams Warehouse in Northcote.

My biggest conundrum is whether I 'Bring It' to the public at my 30th party or on NYE.. I think the answer to that is 'yes'

MY STYLE IS boho-hobo-no-homo-yoko-ono

I ADMIRE THE STYLE OF anyone who is not me because of my crushing insecurities. And Katy Perry.

MY FAVOURITE LABLES are those ‘Buy me, I’m cheap’ ones you see on bargain-bin CD’s at JB HIFI. And Katy Perry**.

MY FAVOURITE PLACES TO SHOP ARE my sister’s wardrobe (the price is right, amirite?), the dumpster on a Sunday morning and SuprỄ.

MY BIGGEST FASHION MISTAKE was that time I skinned that baby giraffe and fashioned it into a romper – at the age of 25, can you believe it!!?? A romper suit! EMBAR.

WHEN  I WAS A KID I was probably awful.

I WOULD NEVER BE CAUGHT DEAD IN a vegetarian restaurant. If they can’t see fit to kill something for my delicious enjoyment, then why should I be killed and placed in their restaurant? What a stupid question.

Arsineh, you’re welcome.

* Actually, this post is dedicated to my amazeballs flatmate for inspiring me to do this. And for occasionally forcing food down my throat when I forget that you need food as well as wine to survive.

**I caught a whiff of her ‘fragrance’ a while ago, I feel she captured the essence of fame-whoring, semen and shame perfectly.. Team Katy and all that.